He went straight to sleep, but i was awake for a long time, thinking about the fog, the wine, and our conversations. I read the manuscript he gave me, and what was in it thrilled me: God - if God really existed - was both father and mother.
Later, I turned out the light and lay there thinking, when we were quiet with each other, I was able to see how close I felt to him.
Neigther of us had said anything. Love doesn'tneed to be discussed; it has its own voice and speaks for it self. That night, by the well, the silence had allowed our hearts to approach each othr and get to know each other better. My heart had listened closely to what his had said, and now it was content.
Before I fell asleep, I decided I would do what he called the 'exercise of the Other'.
I am here in this room, I thought, far from everything familiar to me, talking about thingsthat have never interested me and sleeping in a city where i've never set foot before. I can pretend - atleast for a few minutes - that I am different.
I began to imagine how I would like to be living right at the moment. I wanted to be happy, curious, joyful - living every moment intensely, drinking the water of life thirstily. Belieiving again in my dreams. Able to fight for what I wanted.
Loving a man who loved me.
Yes, that was the woman I wanted to be - the woman who was suddenly presenting herself and becoming me.
I felt that my soul was bathed in the light of a god - or of a goddess - in whom i had lost faith, And I felt that at that moment, the Other left my body and was standing in the corner of that small room.
I observed the woman I had been up untill then: weak but trying to give impression of strength. Fearful of everything but telling herself it wasn't fear - it was the wisdom of someone who knew what reality was. Putting up shutters in front of windows to keep the joy of the sun from entering - just so the sun's rays wouldn't fade my old furniture.
I looked at Other, there in the corner of the room, fragile, exhausted, disillusioned. Controlling and enslaving what should really be free: her emotions. Trying to judge her future loves by the rules of her past suffering.
But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.
the moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us.
And to save us!
When the Other Left me, my heart once again began to speak to me. it told me that the breach in the dike had allowed the waters to pur through, that the wind was blowing in all directions at once, and that it was happy because I was once again willing to listen what it had to say.
My heart told me that I was in love. And I fell asleep with a smile on my lips.
taken from "By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept by Paulo Coelho"
Selected (and Typed) by Uncertainty !